Gratitude Practice
I honestly believe that the concept of gratitude has unfortunately been usurped by the genre of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity essentially states that no matter what, you will remain positive. It often minimizes the very adaptive role our emotions, even the distressing emotions, need to play in our lived experience. Minimizing and invalidating our natural responses to trauma and injustice - only does us further harm. In reality, gratitude is not about being “positive” all the time. It’s about practicing gratitude. It does not eliminate the harsh realities of today, it only supports us in noticing the “ands”. It provides a way to cope with the heaviest parts of the "ands".
I can experience frustration related to living with lupus, and practice gratitude that I can walk my dog.
I can experience anger about injustice, and practice gratitude that I have a wide variety of snacks in my kitchen at all times.
If we engage in this practice regularly (I start and end my days this way) - we slowly begin to retrain our brains to noice more. I start to notice the “ands”, even in times of chaos. For me, this is incredibly encouraging. This practice does not eliminate moments of frustration, or periods of tension. It allows me to have moments of something else - gratitude.
How do I practice this?
Every day (pick a time of day and stick with it), reflect on your past 24 hours and name 3 - 5 things that you are grateful for.
Be specific.
I am grateful for my bowl of cereal that I love (true).
I am grateful for my dog accidentally losing her treat in front of her face, it made me laugh.
I am grateful for the meme about tacos my best friend messaged me.
We reflect on the last 24 hours, because it trains our brains to notice things to be grateful for in the now. It’s often easy to say, “I’m grateful for the doll I received for Christmas 20 years ago”. Which is fine. However, it does not train our brains to notice moments of gratitude in the now. (Read the past blog post for another way of thinking about this.)
Why now? Now is sometimes what we are trying to avoid. The reality is, now is happening. Even if we attempt to avoid what’s happening for us internally or externally - it’s still happening. I’d like to encourage us to notice the frustration, name them, scream them if you need to. I can scream my frustration, and list them all out. I am also going to continue to choose to notice the “ands”.
What if, we made gratitude practice a part of our daily lived experience? What might that add to our life? What might that add to our way of thinking? It just may give us a very tiny bit more capacity to face what the world throws at us each day.
And oh can the world throw…